26 and single.
Some nights are harder than others.
Tonight was one of those. It always seems to be harder when I'm around my family. I think it's because I feel that extra pressure. My older brother is married with two kids, my younger brother has a serious girlfriend...then there's me. The "always single and never dating." No one ever says that, but it's one of those "unspoken" things I feel. I think it's also because my family knows me like no one else does. They know that innate desire that's always been within me...they know being a wife and mom has always been my greatest earthly desire. They've also known how hard it's been when I try to mask it for other people. They know me through and through and love me. Support me unconditionally. Pray for me. Want the best for me. I'm humbled by the love and care they show. It's hard.
And dang Taylor Swift. Why does she have to speak my heart? I was driving home after dinner with my family and the song "Enchanted" came on. And like the typical emotional woman I am, I just start crying. I silently speak my heart to the Lord, praying for the fulfillment that I know He gives. Praying for comfort and rest. Praying for truth in this night as my mind was in a constant battle.
He is so faithful. I can't get over this. I don't want to get over this. Ever.
It's funny how He prepares us for battle. He prepares us for those tough times, those "dark nights of the soul", in whatever form they may be in. All day today Isaiah 54:4 has run through my mind - "Your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called." It's been one of those subconscious things I haven't really noticed, but I couldn't shake it from my head. It just stayed there.
As I was driving home and crying and talking to the Lord, He kept speaking that into my heart. He is my husband...He is my husband...He is my husband. He loves me unconditionally and without fail. He loves me when I give Him absolutely nothing in return. He's my Maker. Holy Cow...the one who formed me and knitted me and made me...He calls me His own. He redeems me from the pit, and despite my sin, loves me still. He is the God of the entire earth, and He loves me. He's my husband.
I get home tonight and I have a message from an old friend from college I rarely, if ever, talk to. She messaged me to tell me she read a facebook note I had written to my family (along the lines of singleness) - she proceeded to encourage me, speak truth to me, understand me, and share that she's praying for me. If that isn't the love, care, compassion, and pursit of Jesus Christ, I don't know what else is. How incredible is it that Jesus is so in tune with me that He, in His love and care, blesses me this way. Sweetly reminds me of His promises in this way. Gently chides me and shows me HE IS TRUTH.
He is good and He does good.
Always.
Tonight was one of those. It always seems to be harder when I'm around my family. I think it's because I feel that extra pressure. My older brother is married with two kids, my younger brother has a serious girlfriend...then there's me. The "always single and never dating." No one ever says that, but it's one of those "unspoken" things I feel. I think it's also because my family knows me like no one else does. They know that innate desire that's always been within me...they know being a wife and mom has always been my greatest earthly desire. They've also known how hard it's been when I try to mask it for other people. They know me through and through and love me. Support me unconditionally. Pray for me. Want the best for me. I'm humbled by the love and care they show. It's hard.
And dang Taylor Swift. Why does she have to speak my heart? I was driving home after dinner with my family and the song "Enchanted" came on. And like the typical emotional woman I am, I just start crying. I silently speak my heart to the Lord, praying for the fulfillment that I know He gives. Praying for comfort and rest. Praying for truth in this night as my mind was in a constant battle.
He is so faithful. I can't get over this. I don't want to get over this. Ever.
It's funny how He prepares us for battle. He prepares us for those tough times, those "dark nights of the soul", in whatever form they may be in. All day today Isaiah 54:4 has run through my mind - "Your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called." It's been one of those subconscious things I haven't really noticed, but I couldn't shake it from my head. It just stayed there.
As I was driving home and crying and talking to the Lord, He kept speaking that into my heart. He is my husband...He is my husband...He is my husband. He loves me unconditionally and without fail. He loves me when I give Him absolutely nothing in return. He's my Maker. Holy Cow...the one who formed me and knitted me and made me...He calls me His own. He redeems me from the pit, and despite my sin, loves me still. He is the God of the entire earth, and He loves me. He's my husband.
I get home tonight and I have a message from an old friend from college I rarely, if ever, talk to. She messaged me to tell me she read a facebook note I had written to my family (along the lines of singleness) - she proceeded to encourage me, speak truth to me, understand me, and share that she's praying for me. If that isn't the love, care, compassion, and pursit of Jesus Christ, I don't know what else is. How incredible is it that Jesus is so in tune with me that He, in His love and care, blesses me this way. Sweetly reminds me of His promises in this way. Gently chides me and shows me HE IS TRUTH.
He is good and He does good.
Always.
i love you girl. am praying for you. ive been reading this book called "the path of loneliness" by elisabeth elliot. i know the title sounds really depressing, but it's actually a great read. she talks about being widowed twice and the gift of singleness. i think you would like it! cant wait to see you!
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I am a guy but i can relate, keep the faith, ignore ignorance. I am glad God made me just dumb enough to not be a know it all like anonymous.-shaun
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