To all my single girls:
I remember in college hearing stories of women in their late 20s/early 30s being single and thinking, "I am SO glad that will never be me." I was so confidant in the fact that I was hardwired and designed to be a wife and mother that it never even crossed my mind I wouldn't have that. Little did I know...
I'll be 28 in a few months. I am no closer to marriage and children than I was when I was that young, ignorant 20 year old. The things I have learned and grown in over the past 8 years is, however, invaluable and I wouldn't trade them. I've seen the character of God as my Father, Lover, Friend, Comforter, Sustainer, Discipliner, Joy-giver, Hope-dweller, Savior, etc...in ways as a single women I would not have seen as a married women.
I think a big mistake our Christian culture makes is making single women feel "bad" about desiring marriage and children. GOD WIRED YOU THAT WAY. Hear me out: He created you to want to support and follow a husband. He physically made your boobs able to produce milk. If that doesn't say motherhood, I don't know what else does. Our culture has somehow made it where a single women says, "I want to be a wife and mom" and she is instantly given, "You're discontent. Jesus is better. He is your husband!" Yes, those can be true. ANYTHING that you esteem higher and greater than the Lord is idolatry...including your job, status, physical appearance, what other people think of you, etc etc. But desiring those things is not wrong.
I wish more people had told me that. I love Jesus Christ so deeply. I am content and joyful and His glory and His goodness overrides every other feeling I have. But, despite how good He is and despite His plan for my life being the BEST and most joy filled plan, I still struggle. I'm still waging a war and fighting for holiness. I wish people had told me that I would experience intense days and nights of loneliness, of feeling like I somehow "missed the mark." I wish people would acknowledge and address the fact that I would feel barren, that I would weep for the children I desire but haven't had. I wish I had been told that some days and nights I would grieve so deeply my body would physically ache. I didn't know that would happen. I never knew I would hold my womb and pray and weep over unborn children. I never knew I would have such vivid dreams about love, sex, marriage, children, family...that they would feel SO real, yet so unattainable. I never knew my tears could be a source of deep pain, yet unspeakable joy...
So, I'm here saying that to you, single sister. You're going to feel some of these things. You're going to fear and doubt and question. You're going to be confused and frustrated. You aren't alone. I'm here to say you are not alone. So many women have been in your shoes and are in your shoes...and guess what? God is still good. Despite the loneliness and despite the pain of the past 5 years, I have learned to deeply commune with the Maker of the stars. I have fallen in love with the Savior of the world. I have come to rest in the arms of the greater Comforter. I have found a joy in Jesus Christ that nothing and no one in this world will ever come close to giving me. The pain of this world is the only pain we, as believers, will ever face. When Jesus comes back or takes me home, that pain will subside forever. And the point of my life- my reason for living -will finally and forever be made real as I stand face to face with my Father.
He loves you, sweet sister. He holds your heart in His hands and He has not forsaken you. He knows your fears and doubts and you are not alone. Ever. He sustains you, comforts you, finds joy in you, loves you (even likes you!), gives you the greatest joy, grants you life ABUNDANTLY, saves you... rest in those arms. There is no sweeter place to be!
I'll be 28 in a few months. I am no closer to marriage and children than I was when I was that young, ignorant 20 year old. The things I have learned and grown in over the past 8 years is, however, invaluable and I wouldn't trade them. I've seen the character of God as my Father, Lover, Friend, Comforter, Sustainer, Discipliner, Joy-giver, Hope-dweller, Savior, etc...in ways as a single women I would not have seen as a married women.
I think a big mistake our Christian culture makes is making single women feel "bad" about desiring marriage and children. GOD WIRED YOU THAT WAY. Hear me out: He created you to want to support and follow a husband. He physically made your boobs able to produce milk. If that doesn't say motherhood, I don't know what else does. Our culture has somehow made it where a single women says, "I want to be a wife and mom" and she is instantly given, "You're discontent. Jesus is better. He is your husband!" Yes, those can be true. ANYTHING that you esteem higher and greater than the Lord is idolatry...including your job, status, physical appearance, what other people think of you, etc etc. But desiring those things is not wrong.
I wish more people had told me that. I love Jesus Christ so deeply. I am content and joyful and His glory and His goodness overrides every other feeling I have. But, despite how good He is and despite His plan for my life being the BEST and most joy filled plan, I still struggle. I'm still waging a war and fighting for holiness. I wish people had told me that I would experience intense days and nights of loneliness, of feeling like I somehow "missed the mark." I wish people would acknowledge and address the fact that I would feel barren, that I would weep for the children I desire but haven't had. I wish I had been told that some days and nights I would grieve so deeply my body would physically ache. I didn't know that would happen. I never knew I would hold my womb and pray and weep over unborn children. I never knew I would have such vivid dreams about love, sex, marriage, children, family...that they would feel SO real, yet so unattainable. I never knew my tears could be a source of deep pain, yet unspeakable joy...
So, I'm here saying that to you, single sister. You're going to feel some of these things. You're going to fear and doubt and question. You're going to be confused and frustrated. You aren't alone. I'm here to say you are not alone. So many women have been in your shoes and are in your shoes...and guess what? God is still good. Despite the loneliness and despite the pain of the past 5 years, I have learned to deeply commune with the Maker of the stars. I have fallen in love with the Savior of the world. I have come to rest in the arms of the greater Comforter. I have found a joy in Jesus Christ that nothing and no one in this world will ever come close to giving me. The pain of this world is the only pain we, as believers, will ever face. When Jesus comes back or takes me home, that pain will subside forever. And the point of my life- my reason for living -will finally and forever be made real as I stand face to face with my Father.
He loves you, sweet sister. He holds your heart in His hands and He has not forsaken you. He knows your fears and doubts and you are not alone. Ever. He sustains you, comforts you, finds joy in you, loves you (even likes you!), gives you the greatest joy, grants you life ABUNDANTLY, saves you... rest in those arms. There is no sweeter place to be!
I love you so much! This was a great post. I'm glad you've found your worth in the Lord. Just for some encouragement, my aunt was getting worried because she was 29 and still not married. A year later she's soon getting married to the guy of her dreams and they plan on having two kids. Never think it won't happen! It isn't too late :)
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